What is kink?

For me kink is vast and varied. Nothing about kink falls into a one size fits all framework, there is no single answer for the question of what kink is. The simplest answer is that it is an exploration of unwalked paths. It’s a finding of something new that excites you and awakens a sense of fun, of titillation, of discovery.

What I like isn’t what other people like and there’s no right or wrong. We don’t yuck someone else’s yum. Kink is a safe space. It could be really basic, in the sense of it could just be dirty talk or it could be a complex fantasy scene or body modification. Some of them I won’t do because I don’t feel safe walking you through them, other things I know I can guide you into safely. A common misconception is that kink is just BDSM and about domination and submission, but what it means for a lot of people is expression in all forms. It could be pain explorations, sensory exploration, relinquishing or taking over responsibility, discipline (which is different from domination), role playing, power play, little play (age play), water sports, scat or blood play, the list is endless and limited only to the limits of the imagination.

Kinky is about broadening the scope of sexual activity beyond what it is thought of as acceptable in polite conversation. For me with kink there’s more liberation, it takes more communication, risk assessment, boundary setting and goes much further than just whips and leathers. It’s requires mitigating risk (both physical and emotional) and developing a deep understanding of the fantasy world of your self and your partner. Kink isn’t just sexual either, it’s also psychological, physical, emotional, spiritual. It can be about releasing an emotion or a psychological pain, for example, an impact scene (when we use implements to create pain on a certain part of the body, such as floggers, canes, paddles, belts or even spoons) takes control away from their mind and allows them to focus on what is happening to their bodies and process the pain. This can be a cathartic process for a lot of people. Before I was ever tied up, I saw other people doing rope play, and I found the idea of it fascinating. I started with suspension but it was all unknown and I needed a guide. I needed someone to help me learn the techniques and best practices but also to explore my own boundaries and find where my own limitations are - because these are different for everyone and you can’t know them until you’re in the thick of it. When I was exploring rope play I had already been through much of my person kink journey and knew I needed a partner to support me through it. When I was just starting my kink journey, discovering boundaries was a huge step into the dark and I could have done it so much better if I had been more patient. If I were to do it again, I would do more reading of the particular kink and find people more experienced in that form of play to ask questions of and line up play with. The initial stages of learning my boundaries were hard because I didn’t know when enough was enough and I went through a massive sub-drop which was scary and confusing. Luckily, I did have supports from the play person and play party, but I could have prepared myself better and I wouldn’t have pushed myself so hard so quickly. This is where I know take joy in helping others. Because I have experienced both the impacts of rushing into kink without preparation and discovering kinks after I had developed a sense of my own boundaries, I can help you discover your own in a way that is supported, moderated and safe.